Season 1, Episode 5

Confessions of a Caterfly

On DJ’s Couch today is Paula Mosher Wallace who tells us her amazing story of growing up sexually abused in a cult in Peru, entering an abusive marriage and how her and her kids got out and are on the path to recovery.  

Find Paula’s resources at http://rs4l.com and http://bloominthedark.org

Highlights

PDF Transcription

Download the PDF transcription here!

Rock Bottom

04:59: Rock bottom, which for a lot of us to make that change, is rock bottom because you don’t change until the pain of change is less than the pain of staying the same.

Victimization

08:19: That’s the definition of victimization, you’re powerless that your choice was taken away, that somebody with more power, more strength, more, position or authority, did something to strip you of your power of your ability to choose. And that’s a piece of healing from victimization is to recognize, yeah, that was stolen, that was damaged, that was hurt. But I get to choose to reclaim it. I get to choose to climb out of it. I get to choose to heal from it.

Why Am I Not Fixed?

10:10: There’s so many people that come to me with, but I did this thing. Why am I not fixed? And I’m like, most of the time, it’s a series of things that cause the damage. In some cases, it’s your entire childhood. In some cases, it’s a big event, but there may be a ton of really small things that are a part of that. We don’t realize, oh, it was the person who was abusing us through emotional manipulation that set us up for the person that punched us in the face.

What's Killing You The Fastest?

10:54: Work on the thing that’s going to kill you fastest. Then, as your heal from that, go to the next thing that’s going to kill you fastest. Keep working through things until it’s, hey, what’s interfering the most today.

Triggers

11:38: Every trauma triggers an opportunity to heal.

Living

13:51: When it comes down to it, if you want to live, you’ll go through whatever you need to, to live.

Healing

28:55: God did not allow anything in my life that he does not have the healing and the restoration to match.

Perpetrators

37:48: Perpetrators hurt people, who are then victims because a perpetrator hurt them. It is not the victim asking for it or making the perpetrator do something to them.

Helping Others

40:28: You don’t try to fix them because you can’t fix them. You can’t fix other people. Other people have to choose to heal.

40:38: The most valuable thing you can do is be honest and transparent about your own life, the messiness, the ugliness of your own life and let them be their messy self. You don’t force them to talk, you don’t force them to do anything. You don’t. If they do start sharing, don’t sit there and start doing the whole, well, what did you do to deserve it kind of stuff. You listen and love.

41:43: You are equipped with everything you need, and that is the ability to listen, the ability to be a person sitting next to them. You don’t have to worry about, okay, what are the right words to say? You don’t need that. You just need to be with them and be another human being with them.

52:07: If you want to help other people, walk through it yourself.

Being Human

42:30: We’re all just humans and being human means we need – need some kind of growth, help, encouragement, something.

43:06: That’s something we really need to remember about ourselves, we are all hurt in some way, we all have little things that go on in our lives. It’s not that we ever have one that’s somehow worse or better than the other.

Don't Compare

43:56: Within your own story, whatever the worst is in your own story, is the worst in your own story. Don’t compare.

Actions

55:33: Your words can easily be ignored, but your actions are contagious.

You Are Loved

57:42: It’s not about that person, and it’s not even about your perception of that. It’s about that you are loved, you are cared for, and you matter. You are someone who is special and has things to contribute. Even if you’re feeling like there is none of that, that you’re just a victim of whatever circumstance. There is something beautiful and powerful about you and the world wants to see it. They want to experience it. It may not seem like that, but that is a genuine desire of the world.

Hosts & Guests

DJ Eshelman

Paula Mosher Wallace

 Resources

Download the PDF transcription here!

 Reminders

  • Your 10 is your 10, don’t compare.
  • Get the help you need!
  • You are loved, you are cared for & you matter!
  • Share your thoughts with us here!

 Get This Episode

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